Love Is
by Kiterie
Summary: A valentine's story. Kakashi has his own beliefs about what love is, what it means, and what it gets him.


Title: Love Is  
Pairing: KakaIru  
Summary: Kakashi doesn't believe in love but...  
Disclaimer: I'm no Kishimoto, I don't own Naruto, but if I did the guys would either all be gay or the girls would be written better.  
Dedicated to the KakaIru community as a whole 3 to all KakaIru fans!

* * *

_Love is the lie..._

Sometimes, standing there, he felt like he was being punished for all his crimes. It was only a few months after he graduated that his mother died. He hadn't realized they were connected then. It wasn't even a full year after he made chunin that his father killed himself, and somehow, still he didn't see the connection. Not until he made jounin, and Obito was taken from him, did the deaths appear more than coincidence. When 'fate' snatched his Rin away, he expected it; and when it took Minato, he'd begged to keep him, just him.

Kakashi sighed, running his fingers over the names again. His hands were too coated in blood now, by both his enemies and those he'd loved. "Love is a lie..."

_that let's us sleep  
that gets us up_

Kakashi rolled over, reaching for the warmth that had suddenly disappeared. He groaned and cracked open the eye not covered by dark blue fabric. Iruka had given it to him to wear when he stayed he night, since it was 'more comfortable' than his headband. It seemed silly to him, but he didn't bother to point out that, like the mask, he barely noticed the thing after over twenty years of wearing it.

Shoving himself up, he pulled on a clean pair of pants and his mask and walked shirtless to the kitchen. Iruka was there, of course. Kakashi knew he would be. He smiled and slid his arms around the chunin's waist.

Iruka slid a hand over Kakashi's and used the other to poke at the food in the pan. "Did you sleep well? No nightmares?"

"None that I can recall," Kakashi said simply. They seemed to come less the more time he spent with Iruka. "Why do you always get up so early?" It came out sounding more like a whine, which he decided was due to still being tired.

"Because..." Iruka purred, twisting around to kiss Kakashi. "I wanted to make you breakfast. You could stay in bed, I iwould/i bring it to you," he laughed.

Kakashi considered it for a moment, returned the kiss, then shook his head. "I can't sleep after you get up... you keep it too cold in here."

Rolling his eyes, Iruka turned back to his cooking. "Mmhm..."

"You do." The argument only got him another snicker.

_that takes us out  
that brings us home_

Another mission had dragged him out of bed to hide him behind white porcelain. It had been Iruka's bed this time, and he wondered how they'd known to look there. Iruka hadn't seemed surprised, and he wondered if he'd said something in his sleep. Kakashi's thoughts kept drifting back to his leaving, on Iruka. It didn't matter the mission wasn't anything special: retrieve the scrolls, kill anyone who tried to stop him, and get back alive. The last part seemed more important now, and even as he cut down the enemies that seemed to come out of nowhere in endless numbers, it was what his mind focused on. More than anything, he had to get home. Iruka would worry, and then he'd be sad; Kakashi wouldn't be there to stop it, and he would fail again if he couldn't.

_that gives us hope  
that let's us dream_

It was going to be okay... Kakashi was sure of it. He kept drifting in and out of a vague half-dream, half-memory state. Even when he was awake, Iruka was there telling him it was okay. He smiled, hoping his Iruka wouldn't be mad at him when he realized he'd left a trail of blood from the window to the bed.

_that breaks us down  
that makes us whole_

'You shouldn't love me. You really have no idea how foolish you are when you say those words, like my saying them back would mean anything when I'm incapable of it. I keep warning you, trying to tell you that it's dangerous, that everyone who's ever tried has died. Everyone knows what you are apparently incapable of understanding. I wish you'd figure it out because you're only making it harder on yourself...' Kakashi stared at the carefully wrapped red box and resisted the urge to frown under his mask. Iruka really didn't understand.

"I know you don't like sweets. I didn't make chocolates, so stop worrying and just open it already," Iruka said, grabbing Kakashi's hands and turning them palms up so he could set the box on them.

"What is it?" It was stictly a delaying tactic, Kakashi was sure that whatever was in it was dangerous.

Iruka chuckled and shook his head. "If I tell you, then it will ruin the surprise, but it's not anything sweet or girly, I promise."

The assurance only made him more anxious about what the box held. "It's too small to be a book but I suppose it could be a blindfold or set of handcuffs... or..." Kakashi felt an overwhelming sense of panic at the thought of things that came in small boxes. This box was bigger but it didn't mean it wasn't. He wondered if he was allowed to shake it.

"Would you just open it already?" Iruka laughed, rolling his eyes.

Kakashi swallowed and then very slowly pulled the ribbon, watching it fall over his fingers and hang listlessly down. It was very much how he felt. If it was what he thought... Kakashi knew he couldn't make that promise.

Clearly exasperated with his delaying, Iruka reached over and lifted the lid off. A simple silver key lay inside. "So, you'll stop using the window..."

Kakashi let out a relieved breath. It wasn't a ring. There wasn't a promise. He didn't have to lie to Iruka. "Oh."

"Yes 'oh'," Iruka laughed. "And maybe now you won't complain about it being so cold." He shook his head and leaned up to kiss Kakashi. "Idiot..."

_Love is the lie...  
that keeps us sane_

Kakashi swallowed, staring at the key in his hand for a long moment. It was a lie. It was because he could never be loved, could never love, and the moment he thought it was real it would shatter and he'd be alone again.

He slid the key in the lock... Iruka yanked him inside before he could get the door all the way open and shoved him up against the wall.

"I missed you." The words were barely out of Iruka's mouth before he was yanking Kakashi's mask down shoving his tongue down his throat.

Kakashi panted as the kiss broke, and Iruka's lips started following his hands as he peeled off layers of Kakashi's clothes. Laughing, he pulled the chunin back up and kissed him again, even deeper than before. Maybe it was a lie, but it was one he wanted to believe; it was one he was willing to tell. "I love you..." he whispered, kissing Iruka again.

_Love Is_

_Love is the lie...  
that let's us sleep  
that gets us up  
that takes us out  
that brings us home  
that gives us hope  
that let's us dream  
that breaks us down  
that makes us whole  
Love is the lie...  
that keeps us sane_


End file.
